QUESTION: How do I forgive when I want revenge?

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HOW DO I FORGIVE WHEN I WANT REVENGE?


QUESTION:

If I ignore it or just not pay it any attention, then will I be able to forgive? I want to forgive but I can't. Should I just not think about it and trust that someday and somehow I will? I need to let go for me and him to move forward, but I'm unable to. I want revenge because I'm so hurt, but I know it's wrong and I want to let go.

ANSWER:

First of all, I don’t think any of us benefit from just ignoring it. The Law of Attraction is always responding to our feelings, especially the deep seeded ones of anger and resentment. What we feel negative towards about the past will in fact show up in another way in the future. You are right - you need to let it go for you and for you to be at peace.

I immediately thought you could benefit from a technique– This is the Total Truth Process and Total Truth Letter by Jack Canfield in his book “The Success Principles”. This process can be done verbally or by writing it down. The goal is to move from anger and resentment, through each stage to love and forgiveness. Work through each stage, spending equal amount of time in each. You can work through it with this person; however I have found it just as effective for myself going through these stages and finding forgiveness for me:

  • Anger and Resentment

I’m angry that….               I’m fed up with…

I hate it when…                 I resent that…

  • Hurt

It hurt me when…            I feel hurt that…

I felt sad when…                I feel disappointed about...

  • Fear

I was afraid that…              I get afraid of you when…

I feel scared when…          I’m afraid that I…

  • Remorse, Regret and Accountability

I’m sorry that….                  I’m sorry for…

Please forgive me for…    I didn’t mean to…

  • Wants

All I ever want(ed)…        I want(ed)…

I want you to…                    I deserve…

  • Love, Compassion, Forgiveness, and Appreciation

I understand that…           I forgive you for…

I appreciate…                        Thank you for…

I love you for…

This is the Total Truth Letter:

  • Write a letter to the person who has upset you, expressing each of the feelings in The Process.
  • If you are not comfortable talking this through with this person, throw the letter away when you’re finished. The act of throwing it away or burning it will help with closure. The purpose is to set you free from unexpressed emotions, not to change the other person. This is all about you.
  • If the person is willing to participate, have them write a letter and go through The Process as well. Do this together, exchange letters, discuss and avoid defending your position. Make an effort to understand the other person.

I think this process is so important with any situation with any person. The only way to release the past fully is to work through the stages and let it go. 

 

The Forgiveness Affirmation – Jack Canfield

“I release myself from all the demands and judgments that have kept me limited. I allow myself to go free – to live in joy and love and peace. I allow myself to create fulfilling relationships, to have success in my life, to experience peace, to know that I am worthy and deserve to have what I want. I now go free. In that process I release all others from any demands and expectations I have placed on them. I choose to be free. I allow others to be free. I forgive myself and I forgive them. And so it is.”

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